So You’re In Love with a HFGWD (read this before you f*@k it up)

By October 16, 2019 Love

Mostly True Information about HFGWD Presents:  So You’re In Love with a HFGWD (read this before you f*@k it up)

  1. Accept your fate. This is probably karma. You should have been a better person in your past life.
  2. Take care of your own shit because only one of you can be extra and this is her turn.
  3. Learn her love language. Pro Tip: The primary love language of most HFGWD is Quality Time. Just kidding it’s Don’t-Be-A-Dick.
  4. Educate yourself about depression, especially the part about it not being about you and not being solved by sex.
  5. Read a book about how to be a better listener. Which book, you ask? Literally, any of them. Ask Alexa. Google it.
  6. She’s literally holding your life together and deserves more than your consideration so learn a thing or two about the lives, brains, bodies, historical and societal context of women. Basically, put as much effort into understanding her as you would into explaining how the life and death of Ric Ocasek changed you forever.
  7. When she tells you she is hurt, angry, sad or struggling, believe her. On average, she will tell you 3 times before deciding you don’t care.
  8. Similarly, if it feels like she’s saying the same thing to you over and over, pay attention because that thing, however insignificant it seems, is important to her on a level you have not yet realized.
  9. If you have the opportunity to make her life easier, do it. Don’t ask her if she wants you to do it, just do it. Quick caveat: It’s important to first know what would make her life easier. Here’s a clue, it’s probably not sold at Victoria’s Secret, Lowes or www.nameastarafteryourwife.com. If you’re not sure, ask her BFF for some ideas. If you’re not clear who her BFF is, you’re on the brink of divorce and this list won’t help you.
  10. If you don’t know your self-worth separate from hers, find it, so that when she asks for some space you don’t have to pout, pick a fight, give her the silent treatment or have an existential crisis in the produce section of the grocery store while trying to interpret the shopping list she made for you.
  11. Give more than you’re used to, dig deeper and don’t check out. The health of romantic relationships is a direct correlate to successful depression outcomes. I know you feel powerless but you, more than anyone, have the ability to improve her chances of survival.
  12. Stop asking her if she’s okay. She is and she’s not. Ask better questions: Can I get you another doughnut? Do you want the last bite of pie? What kind of coffee can I bring you? Do you want the Harness or the Lace Up boots? Do you wanna watch one more episode? Did you notice I cleaned the kitchen?  Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?  Should I start with your neck or your feet?

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